Five years on from the Covid pandemic, we’re all still getting used to running online meetings effectively.

So, when we heard Becca Timmins speak about active listening at the CATS conference last year, we asked her to write a guest blog about the challenges of running online meetings. 

If you run or attend online meetings with your team, partners, or clients, this is an invaluable guide to ensuring their effectiveness.

Over to Becca…

The word “meetings” brings with it some eye-rolling baggage!

It’s easy to view meetings as a distraction or an interruption to being productive. And let’s be honest, sometimes they really are.

A poorly run meeting can be soul-destroying and drain our energy. And meetings have become more complex in recent years.

With more and more meetings moving online, holding our attention and feeling the connections with our colleagues is hard. Zoom fatigue, technical problems, and struggling to read body language all add to the challenge.

But let’s take a step back and forget for a moment the perceived opportunity cost of “this meeting will take a whole hour out of my day”. What we’re really presented with when we come together to meet are opportunities:

• To connect with other people – to build or deepen relationships which go beyond productivity and outputs. That’s vital with clients – to build and maintain a strong team – and with suppliers and strategic partners too
• To think about the issues that matter together, and come up with better ideas and ways of doing things (that often come with big productivity wins to boot)
• To manage change in a way that keeps everyone on board and committed.

Sound a bit “fluffy”? Not at all.

You’ll get the productivity and outputs, but you’ll also improve connection. And one doesn’t have to come at the cost of the other.

How we meet really matters

Let’s look at an example of an online meeting you may have experienced.

Imagine the scenario:

You’ve offered plenty of flexibility to your team. There’s lots of home working, so it’s rare that everyone is in the same place at the same time.

Then, you get everyone together for an online meeting because you want to hear their views on something.

• Maybe one or two people have their cameras off
• Someone is taking the opportunity to finish a sandwich, so has their camera pointing at the top of their head so you don’t have to watch them eat
• One colleague gives apologies that they’re just in the middle of a really important Teams conversation with a client – so they’re definitely listening, but can’t contribute for now
• Someone has joined from a coffee shop and clearly has poor connectivity.

You say hello, try and get a bit of conversation going. Perhaps you manage it with one or two people, sharing their latest Netflix must-watch, or with an update on how the new puppy is settling in. Then you get started.

First, you spend some time in update mode, letting everyone know what’s going on within the business.

Communicating, hopefully clearly, just like they keep asking you to.

Then you ask: “So, what does everyone think?”

Silence.

Now, one of the usual suspects speaks up (or at least they do after you remind them that “you’re on mute!”). This is one of those couple of people who always say something to break the silence and make it feel like you’re not just talking to yourself! You’re very grateful! But they finish, and there’s silence once more.

To try and get a bit more out of people, you ask: “Does anyone have any questions?”

Slightly awkward shuffling, general shaking of heads.

“Ok, I’ll take that as a no” (you laugh awkwardly!)

“Thanks everyone for your time – let me know if anything comes up and I’ll see you soon.”

How do you feel?

You’re left a bit flat. You thought carefully about what you shared. You listened to their feedback about wanting better communication and really tried to do what they asked. You thought they’d have more to say.

So, you’re discouraged and quite frustrated.

You’re doing exactly what they asked for, so why aren’t they saying something, or asking questions? Surely, they have questions, challenges, and ideas. Why don’t they share them? Are they just not interested?

What happens next in the team? The meeting after the meeting…

You might not have heard the feedback during the call, but you can bet your life that’s not the end of it for your colleagues.

People talk. Often there’s speculation about what the changes mean. It’s usually based on half-assumed information because no questions were asked at the time. Perhaps there are moans behind your back about more change that your colleagues are going to have to get their heads around without being consulted.

“It’s all announced now, so she’s not going to change her mind anyway – it doesn’t matter what we say”. Not great outcomes all round.

What’s really going on? Is it a lack of engagement?

A lack of engagement, or that people don’t really care, is what we can perceive the problem to be. It’s the “issue” that I hear many leaders wanting to solve.

But I’m not sure that a lack of speaking in a meeting equates to lack of engagement. In fact, I’ve seen and heard evidence to the contrary many times.

Team dynamics are complex. But there are two elements that are fundamental, and the good news is that there are some simple things we can do to improve both.

Lack of connection

Just putting people in an online room together, no matter how regularly, does not make a connected team!

There are so many extra challenges when meeting online, from difficulty reading social cues to the tendency to feel more disconnected when not physically present.

People need to feel safe to share what they think, but if they feel disconnected – from you, the leadership team, or each other – safety is eroded, and they’ll be far less likely to share their thoughts.

So, what can we do to improve connection?

First, set some ground rules to make clear that when you come together to meet, you expect everyone to be fully present and attentive. I’d start with:

• No interruptions – ask everyone to agree to this promise. Read more about that here. There is no other single act that will do more to improve the quality of your meetings.
• Cameras on – please hide self-view. You wouldn’t have a mirror in front of you if we were face-to-face!
• Be responsible for your tech – ask everyone to be in a quiet space with good connectivity. If that’s not going to be possible, consider moving the meeting to a time when it will be. Use headphones if echo might be an issue.
• Mute only if you need to – if everyone is in a quiet space, there should be no need to mute. Yes, if you need to cough, or your neighbour suddenly takes a pneumatic drill to your dividing wall, mute away. Otherwise, the whole mute/unmute thing can cause unnecessary interruptions.
• Take your breaks – you shouldn’t need to eat in your meetings if you’re taking the breaks that we all need to function at our best.

Then, really think about putting people first, before work. In a hybrid team in particular, this needs to be deliberate, intentional, and consistent. A couple of things you could try here are:

• People first – start every meeting by asking everyone to answer a question that is about them as a person, not about work. For example:
  • What’s made you smile in the last week?
  • What meal have you had recently that was memorable for whatever reason?
  • What’s something interesting in your workspace?
• Appreciate each other and the work. Healthy relationships require a ratio of at least 5:1 of appreciation to criticism (find out more here). Building appreciation into your meetings is a great way to improve that ratio. Close your meetings with a question that everyone answers, such as:
  • What do you love about working in this team?
  • What have you appreciated about our time together today?
  • What quality do you appreciate in the person to your right?

Finally, nothing shuts someone down faster than a negative reaction from the boss. Be aware of the impact of your reactions on others, be they words or even facial expressions. This level of self-awareness is a game-changer, so:

• Listen well – stay interested and attentive
• Watch your reactions – make sure you keep the “no interruptions” promise yourself. Even when you hear things you don’t like, do your absolute best to remain neutral. You’ll get your turn!

Lack of equality

Most of us have internalised an expectation that we should think before we speak. That if we’re going to share our views, we should be prepared and confident in doing so.

Those internalised views are pretty deep-rooted, all the way back to school for many of us.

In that context, it’s easier to see why putting people on the spot with new information, and then asking them to share what they think in front of others, is way more challenging than we think.

As the person sharing information (the presenter), we’ve had lots of time to consider it. We know what we think, we’re prepared, and we’re confident.

Those who we’re presenting to are not in that same position. We’re not on equal footing.

Consider too the statistic that in most meetings, 30% of people do 90% of the talking.

So, between yourself and the usual suspects who are naturally the “think-on-their-feet” kind of people, there might not be a lot of space left for everyone else. This can be exacerbated in virtual environments where many people report finding it even more intimidating to speak up.

So, what can we do to improve equality? 

Firstly, give people a chance to digest information. Some things that can help:

• Share information beforehand – use Loom or email to share information in a way that people can read in their own time, re-watch, and consider
• Ask a question – when you share the information, give people the question that you’d like them to consider, and make it clear you’ll ask for their answer when you meet
• Use breakout rooms – give people a chance to explore their thinking in pairs or small groups before having to share in front of everyone. Give them a question to consider together, with 10 minutes to think as a group, then bring everyone back as one to share their conclusions.

Secondly, introduce a structure to your meetings that invites and expects contributions from everyone. We call this thinking in rounds, and it’s super simple:

• Create your table – in person, you just go around the table clockwise or anticlockwise. If you’re online, create a virtual table, or just read out the order in which everyone will speak, asking individuals to note who is before and after them.
• Ask a question – to open, to close, and on every agenda item, ask a question that you invite everyone to answer in order.
• Ask for a volunteer to start – and wait for someone to go. Don’t be tempted to jump in to fill the uncomfortable pause!
• No interruptions – no-one, including the boss, speaks again until it’s their turn in the round. This is challenging, but really important for equality.

Where do I start?

These simple changes can transform your online meetings from draining to energising. But like any change, it starts with small steps.

Here are two things you can try in your very next meeting:

1. Start with connection – ask everyone to turn their cameras on and share something personal, like what made them smile this week. Even five minutes invested in human connection will shift the energy of your meeting.
2. Use thinking in rounds for at least one key discussion point – create your virtual table by sharing the speaking order in the chat, ask your question, and wait for a volunteer. Then listen as each person shares their thoughts without interruption.

Remember those opportunities we talked about at the start – to connect, to think together, and to manage change? When we create the conditions for everyone to feel safe and equal, these aren’t just aspirational goals. They become the natural outcome of bringing people together.

Yes, online meetings can feel like another video call in an already screen-heavy day. But when run well, they give us something far more valuable in return:

• Genuine connection with our colleagues, despite the distance
• Better ideas through true collaboration
• Teams that feel heard and valued.

If well-run meetings result in any of the above, that’s never a waste of bandwidth.

So next time you’re setting up a meeting, think less about the hour it will “take” from your day, and more about the opportunity it presents to create something meaningful together.

Because how we meet really does matter.